Well it sure has been a MINUTE since I whipped up one these bad boys, and I can’t think of any reason to not write one. I mean there’s literally nothing better to do, so why not give the people what they want. Another kick ass blog from the one and only Nev!!
If I’m not mistaken I believe we’re on week 7 of this lockdown shit and I’m fucking over it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s cool sitting at home playing video games with the boys, sleeping till noon everyday, collecting $ from the government (thank you very much) and so on, but this shit neeeeeeeds to end ASAP. As most of you know my life pretty much revolves around sports. I mean I work in a god damn hockey store. So as you could imagine I’m not handling this very well. The only good part about no sports is that I don’t have to watch my PATHETIC ass red wings anymore this year.. I mean I’ll love them til I’m six feet under but boy oh boy were they bad this year. Like really really bad. On the plus side leafs aren’t gonna win the cup again this year so suck on that one leaf fans. But the whole no sports blows, along with this whole thing in general. I’ve always been a guy who kinda likes to keep to himself (when sober). But this quarantine has me missing human interaction sooooo bad. The things I would do to be on a golf course with the boys drinking a nice cold beer :(. The worst part of this shit is that the weather is starting to get real nice and you can’t do anything! Such a tease going outside in beautiful weather knowing you can’t take advantage of it. I mean sure I could go for run or a walk, but why the fuck would I do that? I didn’t spend all winter getting thicc (ya I’m two c’s thick now) just so I could run it off in the summertime?? Pointless. I mean look at the double chin!!
Enough with the silly banter, you guys are here to laugh and I’m here to provide. With that being said, it’s story time!! Ok, so on April 1st, a buddy and I decided it’s time to go fishing. So we wake up at around 630 and head out about 7.We get to our destination (lighthouse cove) about 730ish and we see it’s a bit fucking wavy. And the boat we have doesn’t deal with waves well. So we sit and wait for about 30mins and come to the conclusion that today ain’t the day. So we head back to Chatham. On the way back in to town we decided to go drive 30 mins to Mitchell’s bay just to see if it’s any better there. Why not? Nothing else to do. So we get there and the water is near perfect. We didn’t even hesitate in thinking that we’re gonna drive allllll the way back to lighthouse get the boat out of the water get it on the trailer, and hike it back to Mitchell’s bay. So that’s what we do. And a good 2 hours later roughly 1030 am we make it back to Mitchell’s bay ready to fucking gooo! We’re pumped, we didn’t think we were fishing today and now here we are about to get after it. So buddy backs the water into the boat water, we get it off the trailer and we realize the plug isn’t in, not great. Now if you know what a TSN turning point is, this way the fucking turning point for our day. We get the plug in quick, boat took a little water ahhh no big deal. We load up ready to go, he’s warming up the engine and goes “after it starts push off and we’re gone”. Yup easy as pie. He starts it up, I push off. After I push off the motor stops again so he goes to start it again annnnnd nope. Dummy pulled to hard on the cord and it popped off it’s track. Luckily we were still at the launch and had some paddles to get to the side. So we get to the side and try to figure out what’s wrong. We can’t. I don’t have a working cell phone and he lost his the day before. So we’re royally fucked. Then, like the genius I am realize one of my good buddies lives out there maybe his dad can help. So I whip over there and ask if he can help. He’s not home he’s fishing.. but luckily they’re absolutely beauty’s and he came in from fishing to help. So he comes and helps brings some tools so we can fix this bitch. Turns out, we can’t. But it’s not over yet! There’s a guy down the road who’s a boat mechanic, there’s still hope! We bring the boat to him, show him what’s wrong and ask if he can fix it. “Yup. Just give me a couple minutes.” Boom. We’re golden we actually might get to fish! Might I add it’s 1pm at this point. So the mechanic works his magic and 30 mins later it’s fixed. We pay the man and we’re on our way. We get back to the launch, we launch the boat. Everything’s working, we’re laughing it’s go time. Go to start it up, works like a charm. So we make our way through the cuts and make it out to the lake, go to open it up and getting going annnnnnnnnd I kid you not, we didn’t get 500 fucking meters before that engine cut out. Now when I say my stomach dropped to my balls, I’m not exaggerating. How could this happen. After all we’ve been through today? How?? Turns out the gas line to the motor was blocked, quick fix right? Just unblock it? Wrong. We tried for 10 minutes couldn’t get the bitch to start. What else could go wrong you ask? We start paddling back towards shore, it’s shitty but it’s gotta be done. So we’re paddling and paddling and next thing you know I hear this noise “CRACK”, yup you guessed it, his fucking paddle snaps in half!!! It’s just in the water slowing floating away… We burst out in hysterics. It was just so funny that absolutely EVERYTHING went wrong. So there we are in the open water just floating, the current was going away from shore so who knows where we’re going. Luckily this boat came in about 10 minutes later and thankfully towed us back in. We load the boat back up and call it a day. We got home at around 5pm!! 5pm!! We spent 10 fucking hours trying to go fishing and didn’t get our lines in the water. NOT ONCE! So after I get home (and take a million tokes) I tell my mom about what happened. She asks “are you playing and April’s fools joke?” April fucking fools. Are you kidding me? The world just played the biggest joke on me and I didn’t even realize. I didn’t know what to think or say. It was by far one of the unluckiest days I’ve ever had and it just so happens to land on April fools. Great joke world, ya piece of shit. And that’s the story. The end.
That’s all I got for you guys tonight, hopefully I can write more of these during this lockdown. As always it’s a pleasure writing these things for you folks, hopefully you get a good laugh at my expense! That’s what these are for! Hope you all are staying safe out there during this shitshow that’s going on right now! Any comments or questions feel free to hit me up! Until next time.
Yours truly,
Nev
P.S. I wrote this at 230 am so cut me some slack on the poor grammar…
So last night I had arguably the biggest emotional roller coaster I’ve had as a sports fan since the Blackhawks beat out the Wings in game 7 in OT in 2013 (that dark, dark night). Last night the LA chargers came back from 14 with less than 5 minutes left to win on a 2pt convo to send me into oblivion. Now I know what you’re thinking and it’s either A) who are the chargers? Or B) why the fuck do you cheer for the chargers? Both of these I have an answer for. The chargers are the nobody of the NFL now that they moved from San Diego and I’ll just leave it at that for you non sports fans, and secondly I’m a fan because of the Madden 08 HB outside pitch and how deadly LT was with it. Aka this one guy was really good in a video game 10 years ago so I picked them. Either way I’m a die hard now and this team is the bright spot in my sports fandom as the wings are rebuilding and Manchester United are an embarrassment week in a week out.
The Neverland Project 